I often feel like I'm trapped. Who doesn't? But not everyone puts it out there for the world to read. I'm not a depressed person. I like to have fun, party and be free. From an early age, I've always felt like I was meant for something great but since I graduated college, I can't seem to find myself or my place in this world.
I'm just so mad at myself. Tearing up for no good reason, I don't even recognize myself anymore because this is not where I wanted to be at this age. And everyone always says that your so young and you have plenty of time to figure things out. Is this the quarter life crisis they speak of?
I've decided that 2011 is the year of me! I've made a bold choice to change my life around and fly free. That iPhone I've been eying, that damn thing is mine. (whenever it's decides to come out) It's gonna make me happy, so what? Grad school, I'm going for it! Getting out of debt...yes please!
Right now, the largest source of my frustrations are my home life. I live with my boyfriend with our cat and dog. I was just recently laid off (ok, kinda fired, but who's counting) so we made a drastic choice to move cities for more opportunities. For the time being, we're living out of a suitcase in his parents mother-in-law suite until I can find a job. Which is just perfect in this economy, right? And if that wasn't bad enough, our sex life has been whittled down to nil! I tend to equate making love to feeling and being loved. So when there's an absence in that department, I feel lower than low. We've been together for 5 years. There's no reason to feel this way but I do. I can't help it. It makes me feel like I'm unattractive and unwanted and what woman can't commiserate?
So here I am. This is me. This is my life. As an eternal pessimist, with a high libido and a constantly wheel-turning brain, I feel like I'm on a downward spiral, trying to make things better. Stay posted as my incoherent thoughts are laid out like mindless gibberish. Stay tuned...
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